marriage

when i broke up and told people about my failed relationship, closed friends just went "oh.." (because they know me too well) while certain people looked at me in amazement "you actually have a boyfriend? since when?".

of course people assume that everyone will share the good news with them, when they are attached. i mean, why not? bring your guy out, rob him of his credit limit to prove his worth. i'm no femme fatale. but me robbing a guy is the last thing i'll brag about.

i do openly show my every single emotion but most men are turned off or scared by these intentions. at least, in this conservative society, i suppose they assume you dont mean what you say when you can blatantly shout your intentions.

yet they always say that one should be truthful in relationships.

when there is no trust, no amount of truth helps.

so what should you do? act shy? can you fake blushes?

i dont know.

everyone's sick of my whining when i get dumped.

i'm sick of people telling me in every single line "my girlfriend.." or "my boyfriend..". i'm so not interested to know what you do in your free time, or what she says (that doesnt makes sense) that's so important to you, or what he got you every week for your weekly anniversary or crap like that. do you even have an opinion of your own?

sour grapes? perhaps.

but your life isnt about them, it doesnt revolve 24/7 around them, does it?

make do without a chauffeur, without an atm, or a cuddly teddy. everyone can do without a special someone in their lives. so when that someone leaves them, what are they to do? get the needs of something else.

if not, choose exile. it's not exactly the best way out. but it's an escape.

how long have i been running away. have you been?

but when i turned round to face my problem, everything's changed. my problem has mutated like some virus.

this game of two remains the same, except he has becomed stronger, but i'm the same, except now weak and vulnerable in comparison.

and i run away all over again.

no one said it was easy.

unlike the curse of marriage, the biological clock never waits. it's never up to you to choose whether to move on.

i choose exile.