express

i do realise i've been driving myself mentally and emotionally into a corner. such that i'm too scared to move.
yes, i assume my stupidity is overwhelming.
so is that confused feeling, that rage, and that fear.

there are many things i dont understand.
i've tried to, but i still dont.

i used to have the ability to express myself through words.
strong intense emotions put down in writing.
now i cant.
i cant make my intentions known. the fear, joy, agony, disappointment...
the despair.

no, these remains within. that i have lost the power through words, that i have lost this part of me.

the lack of expression. does this not trap me?
to seal these unwritten words. does this not maim me?

repetition intensifies.
no, not when i'm stuck in this vortex.
the repeated fear and uncertainty drags the unfinished story.
no, not here.
repetition is prison.

break it.

i've been looking for the answer. i've found it.
then i realise that the pursue is the experience i wanted.
not the answer.
the answer's poison to my ears.

let me do what i want, regardless of how reckless and self-centered it may seem.
let me live my life the way i want it to be.
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