quitter

i suppose i have a problem when everytime i say something outrageous, people tell me that i'm drunk.

they dont ask - they tell.

that's a problem.. right?

i picked up those habits years ago, and when you didnt like smokers, or the smell of alcohol, i did quit..

or at least lie to you when i needed a drink. that i was busy and couldnt meet you.. then sneak off with the SPs to grab a drink.

being the proud snob that i am, i never admitted that i had a problem.

they tell me one will do anything for the people they love.

i think i did. for awhile.

intoxication kept me going when you were not around.

i dont know if i still love you after so many years, but i know i am not happy.

how is it that i can make anyone feel that being with me can ruin my life. i dont understand.

so everyone's selfless.. and i'm a selfish person?

what does that make me? what does that make you? what made you think you're not good enough for me?

they tell me when you love a person you accept all their flaws and appreciate what they do. dont they? isnt that the reason why you like a person in the first place? then why do you expect me to change "for the better?"

because i reprimand myself for making you feel this way.

and i fall back to my only comfort.

everyone after you didnt feel right.. that's what i thought because i kept comparing them to you. now i dont. now i see them for what they are. now i'm trying to open my eyes. now i laugh when i feel like it and i cry when i have to.

i never teared because you said only cowards do. you forgot to remind me of its soothing effects.

now i want to quit not just because i dont love you anymore.

it's because i love myself.