anger

i get angry with myself.
yes i do.
the point is, when i think i'm stupid, then i suppose it's pretty hopeless.
no, i still dont understand why.
somehow i think.. perhaps the best way out, is to hide somewhere, and not come out till i know all forms of memories ceased to exist. but again, if i do know that, then it doesnt really make sense, does it?

i have haunting, senseless, recurring dreams.
of the past.
the moment i shut my eyes i see who i want to see; what i dont want to see.. a zombie-like existence of yesterday.
and it tortures me until the moment i force open my eyes.
i'm tired,
i'm tired of life,
i'm tired of these games,
i'm tired of my own complains;
but they never cease.
they refuse to cease. like my life.
i cant see beyond the miserable wretched life of mine.
i cant see beyond me.

selfish like an unborn child, failing to think for others.
causing pain.

this pain not physical.
this wound, not bleeding,
but it hurts the most.