rebel

somehow it seems that there's this perverse side to everyone.. no. i'm not talking about the insane dirty old men type of pervert . i'm talking about the rebellious, persistent side to everyone. say.. for example, a lecturer knows we're dying to rush out of the class. he takes his time, dragging every minute while he can, because he wants to go against us. he knows we want to go, that's why he deliberately refuses to let us go.

isnt that the way i'm behaving?

the self awareness is there.. that's why i'm behaving this way.
the very reason why i enjoy pissing people off, making sarcastic remarks in class, wearing incredibly short skirts, and going to high-class restaurants to rip people off.
yes, that's the reason why.

i'm too easy to read.
too easy.

that's why i tend to be easily manipulated, that i am aware of.
sometimes i wonder if it's because i allow people to do so.
hypocrisy?
yes, i think so.

i am such a loser.
let's not even talk about relationships, besides the fact that i'm hope;ess in keeping a boyfriend more than a year, i suppose my grades are a little too disastrous.
in fact, i'm beginning to suspect that the only reason why i'm alive is that i lack the courage to end it.
cant believe i'm such a coward.
i'm quite tired of having to prove myself, of needing to worry about what others think about me,
i want to be selfish.

not caged.

to all these unfulfilled obligations.