boo

i've been unoffcially single for eternity.
officially single for the past 1 month.

i suppose "hiding" it from you guys does not amount to "lying".
unless you're one of those person who asked if if i'm attached and i lie to you in the face with a "no". now that's lying. fortunately for me, i think i've only lied to jac so far. who is, by the way, staying in office til like 1 am or something. life of auditors really sucks.

anyway.
it's not like he's something to be ashamed of.
after all, a chem grad in one of fortune's top 500 companies is really someone i should be proud of.
not to mention he's like one of my best friend's little cousin.
it's just one of those times i think i'm not worthy of people.
or maybe when it just doesnt feel right so much that i push him away when he kisses me.
i suppose 3 weeks of mental torture was sufficient. lena will find this highly amusing.

maybe it's because the first person that comes to my mind isnt him.
i just refuse to admit it.

i'm just trying to prove that i'm not shutting the wholoe world out.
saying something and believing it is two different stories.

maybe sunsets are beautiful because they are fleeting.
and they have this habit of leaving you in darkness.
how disgusting.

or maybe i hate it when he thinks he knows everything about me when he doesnt.

the only thing i hate more is when people take one glance at me and know what i'm thinking.

sadly, i know people like this.

my point is, i'm looking for something that actually lasts.
no wait. not looking.
i'm waiting.

but again, i think i already know what i want.
i just have to stop being a coward.