scars

HAPPY CNY!

sigh..
this year doesnt look good.
you know how decisions you make in the past hits you like a boomerang.
i'm beginning to feel the pain.

if naive decreases with age, i must be young.
doing things like one of the blind mice.
honestly trusting.
stupidity.

i have trouble falling asleep.
i can do without the dreams anyway.
in the past i thought 100% effort will give you 100% returns.
then the hopes dimished to 50% returns.
now i know that 100% effort may end you up with nothing in return.
now i tell myself i have nothing to lose.

there's a difference between loving someone and needing someone.
i've yet to figure that out.
i shouldnt have time to think.
the more i think the more mistakes i make.
i cant even see your shadow these days.
i think it's retribution.

maybe i'm just a little confused or lost.
funny.
i've always thought i got my directions figured out.
maybe not.
i just cant see the big picture.
i think i've already lost you.

it's not that i dont know my morals.
i just lack common sense.

gone

i thought you're already gone.
then you came back.

sometimes i wonder why we still play these games.

just like old times.

6 years. still the same games.

hasnt the world changed enough?

or just us wandering in the alley wondering why this space in our hearts remained the same.
even after we've been through different paths.

trying to catch up with each other.

sometimes i ask myself: who are you to me?
isnt it a grey belt no one can comprehend?

who am i to you?
nothing more than a childhood fantasy.

i'll just let you relive this dream once more.

after that, i'll be gone.
this time, i'll try to lose myself in a place you cant find me.

let's talk about love

love is whatever you make it to be.
sometimes it doesnt really matter what you do. it's who you're with that really matters.

that's something i strongly believe in.

when true love's eroded, you cant help but think that shakespeare would make a tragedy out of it.

slip into the shoes of the person you love. does he feel the same?

or is it that all of us have a secret motive beneath that so-called-love?

wipe that smirk off your face.

we all hide our true intentions. claim to love one. and embrace another in your arms overnight. if that is what true love is, i think we're all too fickle.
i think we dont know about love.
we never will.

today, love is convenience.
you love him because he loves you.
he looks cute.
he's smart.
he's rich.
you love him because he tells you he loves you.
that's convenience, isnt it?

it's like buying a lottery ticket knowing you will win.

what an interesting game.

it's really more fun being the one going after your target.

it just sucks when you're nothing more than a commodity for people to choose.
what are the odds?

how skeptical.

i wonder why.
when i'm in love i make sarcastic comments.
when i'm not in love i'm much worse.

i think it's the faith.

i mean, how often do two people fall in love at the same time when they meet?
(where's my calculator?)
i think the probability's 0.0001
maybe i'm overrating.

love is sweet.
without the waiting, the committments, the bitterness.
maybe that's what makes it sweet.
and a lost soul grabs hold of someone he finds.
it's a feeling.
something not many can comprehend.

that's not love.
it's a need.

to be always there for one person?
that's because you have faith.
and what most people call stupidity.
keep waiting.
it's a reason for existence.

Horoscope readings....

My horoscope for the day..:

You are quite likely to enjoy the change in the rhythm and quality of life that is beginning right now, RONG. *well, i really hope i would! Sigh.. labs labs and more labs... oh well... feburary is coming~! exciting month :)* Don't you feel a need to take your friendships beyond the superficial level?
*raise eyebrows... hmm..* Perhaps you should re-establish contact with some friends from the past, as well.*reminded of lost friends... and weakening friendships... sad... :(* After such a lengthy hiatus, you may find that you have some bonds to repair.*i know i know.. u don't have to remind me u know?* In any case, you can expect another month devoted to sweeping the cobwebs out of your emotional universe in order to let in sunlight and promise. *you mean there's hope?*

gay

there is nothing wrong with being a homosexual.

i've always been proud of my sexual orientation being no where deviating from the norms. that is, heterosexual.

of course i've always assumed that my partners are the same as me.
once i found one of them to be a bisexual.

and the first thing that comes to my mind is..
damnit. no wonder he's perfect!

that aside.

jokingly suggested that my friend could be gay.

i had to beg others to send me porn so i can lend him to see his reaction.
or erm.. erection.

but of course we were only kidding.

but again.. if he happens to be one, that's two more eligible bachelors off the list.
he and his gay partner.

sigh.

stupid edventure

there is nothing wrong with my password.

eyes on you

dont you hate it when your guy has eyes that wander away from you when he's with you?

i hate it.

in simple terms, they just dont deserve you if they cant keep their eyes on you long enough.

most of the time i just pretend i dont see.

coincidentally, i found out that guys like other people to take a second glance at their girl.

it proves they've got taste.

but hey buddy, one glance - that's all.

dont drool all over her or you will get it from him.

i dont know about what most ladies feel though.
i like people to check out my guy. for very much the same reason i suppose.

the kick out of it?
when your date beside you ignores everyone else and keeps his eyes on you.

My turn! My turn!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.. AGAIN..

ok. i do have four cores, i'm slightly sane enough not to tackle a PE together with a GE.
so i've essentially.. one GE. database..
(anyone still awake?)

i have a taxation presentation today.
week 1 sem 2.
that's 4 seminars, 5 projects, 5 major presentations (not those you do every other week), 3 written reports, and a GE i have yet to attend.

that's a freaking $189 worth of textbooks for core, 4 hours for sleep for yesterday, and a i-see-jac-4-days-a-week syndrome.

it's also 4 seminars of working with group members i've never seen in my life (goodness knows where they have been hiding)

and amounts to 4+ 4x5 times of self-introduction, 20 times of keying in my number, 4 times of squinting my eyes to see who has yet to form a clique so i can sit with them, and endless whining of not having a classmate that looks familiar in my 201 and 213 classes.

no, the one-shot-four-hour-seminar does not help.

neither does "first lesson on monday, next lesson on wednesday, please get ready to present" x3 seminars.

or looking stupid in front of the whole class.

so, i shall try to get some sleep while i still can.

this semester looks scary.

is you think that isnt bad enough, check your inbox..

time to pay school fees.

Year 2 sem 2...

K... i'm gonna bitch bout my modules this semester. Sleep-inducing "essay" ahead. this is helpful if u can't get to sleep though... but dun scold me for posting such a boring entry k?

U HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Modules registered: 6

No. of AUs: 22 (4x4 cores, 2x1 pe, 4x1 ge)

let's do a little maths here...

No. of labs : 4

No. of lab reports to hand in: 2

No. of long-term lab projects: 2 (1 of it will be continued after the final exams... lasting 2 weeks, 8:30am-5:30pm)

No. of projects and project reports(plus presentation): 2

No. of written assignments to hand in : 3

*tutorials not included and no. of lab experiments per lab not included

fine i know there are some of u out there may have more labs/assignments/projects/fillinwatevershitworkucanthinkof than me... just let me whine lah...

it's worrying to know that some labs account for 50% of final marks. no labs in uni r easy.

it's depressing to know that if u want an A for my cores, i'll need to read thru the textbook 4 times, read thru the notes 4 times, go thru tutorials 2 times (i have 4 cores... u do the math yah).. and pray i have cooperating group members who won't pull stunts on me.... and pray that my project leader is not a smart ass who will do all the juciy-n-potential-high-marks programming himself/herself and leave all the pathetically-easy-but-guranteed-no-high-marks- programming to me.

it's scary to know that failing any one of the 4 core modules gives me a one-way ticket to graduating much later than my peers.

i'm not the only one out here feeling so shitty bout this sem. but i think everyone will benefit if everyone has a tiny weenie idea bout each other's studies life now...

i've given everyone a BRIEF overview (yes... it's really brief... u think i'll help u fall asleep?! wait long long...) of my current semester.. feel free to put up urs k? trust me.. u'll feel a little better after whinning...

301th

oh well.. if that was the 300th post, this must mark 301.
i hate school.
tomorrow, it seems, i'll be a devastated soul again.

no idea why i detest it so much.

i hate this feeling.. almost like the times i was alone in the hostel facing nothing but books.
i hate that.

i just hate the travelling.

thinking of getting a van. i suppose i should just wait til i strike lottery and get my hot pink evo.

argh!!!!!!

i hate school.

oh wait.. maybe it's not the school.
it's the modules.
no.. on second thought, it's the school.
and the books.

sigh.

no new year resolution this year.
i never keep to them anyway.

even if i did, i dont see how it made my life any better.

all i know is, i'm going to make this as painless as possible.

Happy New Year~

This is the 300th entry of this blog wor~~ very fast hor? catching up with mine soon.. hehe.. anyway, since i have been MIA for a LONG time,i suppose it is time for me to show some "guest appearance" and wish all of you a happy new year~! =)

New year,new hope..

Hopefully all of us will lead a fulfilling and yet happy life.. =) all those unattached find their prince charming,all attached remained attached happily ever after..

cheers,
madwinter