hu Beneath The Masks: August 2006

Beneath The Masks

WHERE PEOPLE REVEAL THEMSELVES

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

we have no life

joined the business plan competition = we have no life
we have no life = we have no time to sleep
we have no time to sleep = time for ginseng tea

let's not forget my AB311 stimulation game + project + report, my AA205 proposal + report + interview + team assignment + visio due on wed, Ideapolis tomorrow.

Can someone stop time for me?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

fears

had a chat with my friend about our fears.

i suppose when my friend laughed it off (his laughter echoing in the stairways made it seem a little more embarrassing) it felt like maybe what i feared wasnt so scary after all!

apparantly it didnt help, cos 4 hour later i was desperately trying to fend off the anxiety..

you want to know the tell-tale signs? i start shifting uncomfortably and looking out.
the key is -looking out.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

My 19th Birthday's birthday present just died on me..
sob..
sorry guys.. when the thumbdrive's gotta go.. it's inevitable..

i hate bedok.

the fact is, everytime rong points out that something in my blog is offensive, i remove it, so if you think the published stuff is bad enough, this is only 80% of the crap i write. the other 20%'s hidden from your fragile hearts.

i hate bedok.

the sense of nostalgia is overwhelming.

after what poh liang described in his blog, i thought i just had to go see how the neighbourhood's changed.

i think the weather loves playing jokes with me. i was walking back to my old home when it rained.
poured to be precise.

and since i'm going to be wet anyway, i decided to stroll.

not a good idea if your bag's not waterproof.. but what the heck.

it keeps my mind clear.


you know that urge to feel the adrenaline? when you're looking down on top of a precipice.

i havent stood at that spot since i was 9.
once i'll just look down at the people at the bottom of the building.. and they're so small.
and i'm so small. and count the people crossing the roads, my view often obscure by the corridors.

i was so small i had to peep through the gaps of it.

i never actually understood why i was there.
why my parents had no time for me and just left me there.

and why i was punished for asking why.
and when they locked me out of the house i just went higher up.
then i'll look down.
and when it rains the stairs would be a cascade.

and i'll print the soles of my slippers on remaining dry land.
and write words on the windows of my neighbours.

i'll just refuse to go back because i didnt think its my fault.
it's not my fault.

i still do these wilful actions.
i know i love it, i just fail to see the resemblence.
or the comfort it delivers.

the people downstairs still looks so small.
but i think i'm slightly bigger now.
minus the carelessness, double the stubborness.

and how the rain made it look like a foggy mirage.
i guess i miss that place.

i'm a little old now..
i suppose sometimes i need to think through what i say, or do.
these days i cant even justify my white lies and i ask myself if what i do is right.
but does it matter? i never used to let such things affect me. or was it plain denial?
just because i dont say anything or pretend it dont exist doesnt mean it doesnt.
i've just come to the horrible realisation that if you look, if you ever look beyond that mask that i wear,
you wont find anything left.

Monday, August 21, 2006

how the world sees us

i remember the first day of my literature class.
the tutor gave us a line each, with a different emotion..
it was a reply to the question: may i borrow your wheelbarrow?

i got the line: what do i look like i'm made of? wheelbarrows?

the tone: defiant.

needless to say, it was the simpliest line for me.

i'm quick to defend myself..
the "buts" usually come before my self-reflection.

but that's how i see myself.

but how do others see me?

quoting a tutorial mate on her impression:
like one of those teenage drama queens who's nothing more than an absolute bitch

no wonder i never liked her. kinda hard to live up to that expectation if you ask me.

but again, i like that definition. maybe i show more confidence than i have.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

testmonials

was sorting out my friendster testimonials when i came thorough these:

Lena-
HeY GaaaaaaaL!!! FinaLLy WroTe YoU aTeStI...!!! hmmmm JuZ my LuCk to HaFKnOwN YoU FoR 6 yrs... Hai SoooooUnLuCky *heehee! StiLL rmb ThoSe TimEsWheN we AcTuaLLy WeNt to OuR FaV PlaCe DuRinG ReCeSs In sec 2 JuZ to SinG???haha CuM to TinK of It, it WaS QuiTeStuPiD n fun haha... you aLwAz ComPlaiN tt My ponytail hit u... tink it HaTesYoU la... haha AniWae lUcKy foR u to sit BeHinD mi. but hu tell you to AlwAz lean ForWaRd, *huo gai!!! haha...Oh, nta BoTh Of us GoT SaMe GooD TasTe!!!!haha... ReGarDLeSs of it BeiNg CloTheS,AccEsSoRieS n FooD!!! LuCkiLy ta typeOf GuyS we LiKe is v DiFF hehe... Aftwe StaRted to Work, Got income oredi,we SpEnD EveN MoRe... BuT SerIoUsly, IQuiTe EnJoY leh... hee... AniWaE, YoUHaF BeeN a GrEaT GreAt FreN!!! (thoughI AlWaZ say tt it is Soooo sian to seeU again, haha but can't blame mi, i juzlike to irritate you...! ( i knew it! i love to irritate you too!) it has becamemy hobby... oh no, i sound like aphycho...but i now you like it!!!haha...) HeY *CheeRs to OuR FrIenDsHiPtt I noe ll 4eva Con't no matter wad!!!

Jocelin-
hey,i have known you for wah~~!6 yearsle..time reallie flies sia..firsttime met her in the school hall of theold temasek sec sch..then we justclick laz..mayb because we are sittinnext to each other..hahaz..erm,waiyue have been a GREATfriend..hahaz..erm,always trying to betherewhenever i need her..hahaz..she can'tbe with me all the time rite??yahz,somemore we two different classesin sec 3 and 4 even now,in tpjc..butnevertheless,i am glad we remained asfriends and still hang out togetherwhenever we are free..will alwaysremember the time we hang outtogether,after school,either to goround our common place,tampines mallor to study in the library..erm,myfirst impression of waiyue is that sheis a very quiet and shy ger..an extrahardworking student who pays carefulattention to the teacher..hahaz..butit turned out that she is actuallievery vocal and know how to express herviews and ideas on certain things..asweet girl with clay aiken and orlandobloom as her idols..she very englishbut i more onto the chineseside..hahaz..anyway,despite ourdifferent personalities and hencedifferent opinions,i am glad we oftentry to work things out and remain aswe were in the beginning..=) hence,sheis one of my BEST friends in mysecondary life..(only sec sch?!!) and i hope we will continue to be friends till death..hahaz..keep in touch and allthe best to ya,waiyue~!!

Guirong-
MWHAHAHAHA....!!!!I'm the 1st person to write ur testimonial!!!(extra credit i guess?) okok... hmmm... wy is a v independentthinker.. n one who will not allowherslf or her frenz to be bullied!ha.. but she has a soft side too...*wink wink*


i love you guys.. really..
thanks for always being there for me.
=)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

pathetic ramblings

The reason why i'm spacing out is because ..
i'm not thinking. i'm just letting the surroundings influence me.
i've always thought these little blanks gradually disappeared over the years. now i think they're back. sigh.

nothing more. really.

i was watching anger management, where the female protagonist is a poet, who loves public displays of affection. her boyfriend, on the other hand is this guy who's too embarrassed to even kiss her on the cheeks.

maybe i need to work on that.

i guess i'm a little tired. maybe i just want to hide in a corner and turn off my phone.. get some time off, and sleep.
then sometimes i think perhaps its the adrenaline i need.

i cant tell.. really.

i suppose its one of those times i think i need to plunge down real bad, so i can bounce back right up. its just that there are no "downs" to begin with.. so i'm just having a jellyfish-like existence, whatever that means.




(picture taken off : http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/westhighland.htm)
here's a westie.. arent they adorable?

sigh..
i love this dog for its guts, strong will, and the fact that its damn restless.
hmm..
and it doesnt blame you if you dont shower it with 24/7 attention.
and.. i'll name it snufflezz. or snowy! (where did you think i got my url from?)

thank god i dont look for the same quality in men.

let's work hard for a yard for my westie. but again, they dont need a yard. i think its just me.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Happy National Day!!!

woke up this morning with a headache because i have, once again, refused to wait for my hair to dry before plunging onto bed. argh.. whatever, i'm in a good mood cos i've finally settled for a three day week.. envy me!!

oh right. i almost forgot..

Happy National Day!!

when we were kids, they made us wear red and white to school.. and we love it! cos it meant no uniforms!
i wore red and white to school yesterday!
=)

How i used to love national day. i guess the thrill wears off..
every year they do the same thing.. parade, crap performance, fireworks..
and.. the nice shows got hogged up by the national day rally..
i mean, cant they have a special channel for that? sigh..
i mean, it probably meant i'll be watching youtube.. btw here's hard gay at yahoo..
haha.. i think jocelin wanted that.

oh well! i love singapore.. except for the fact that i probably wont be able to have my westie running in my front yard..
ugh..
how.. depressing..

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Princesses

you should never, i repeat NEVER date a girl if her dad/ mum/ boyfriend/ friends call her a princess. more likely than not, she thinks she is.

in other words, a self-centered b***h.

trust me, its tested and proven.

so it seems.
you know how i hate those rich kids that thinks the whole world owes them something..

speaking of which..

if someone thinks she's a princess and is spoilt, chances are, you ought to run!!!