Happy Birthday Jocelin!

I stopped writing letters on people's birthdays when i saw Hazel cry.

I didnt like that feeling - i didnt know what went wrong.

Perhaps it was our punishment for not cherishing this friendship. Maybe we didnt care enough.
Maybe she lost faith. Maybe we lost faith.
I'm not so sure anymore.

The 1/4 days were the best years of my life. We had Wenhao back then. We had Mac breakfasts. We had "Zachery smiled at me" contest. We had stone benches and gazebos and five stones that landed in Yonghao's milo.

We had the silliest grins.

We hated Verma, we passed notes in history lessons, and we were scared of Eddie Tan who were screaming at the Year 2s everytime we go for science class.

But everything didnt matter cos we stuck together.
Jocelin skipped CCAs with me.
Lena smacked me with her hair.
Guirong was just there to keep everything "under control". (I'm so glad you got rid of that hairband)

Were we ever afraid of anything?

It's amazing what incredible friends i have.
Sometimes they grow onto you without you even realising it.

Even if we dont share the same interests or beliefs, we share part of lives together. I swear I've spent the night with them (under one roof la) at least once.

If that counts for something.

Maybe we dont meet up as often as we used to.

In some hidden place in my heart, i think - i know that these people will never fail to be there for me when i need them.


And that's enough to brighten up my day.

And then...

Some people are lucky because their parents give them everything that they can lay their hands on.
But of cos i meant things that can be bought.
These people buy clothes without looking at tags, they spurlge on europe trips, they grab the latest gadgets.
I used to think half of those people are snobs.
Now i think i know the other half of the non-snobs.

It's a shame, really, shopping with these people. Pretending you dont like half of what you grab when you're dying to have it.

Sometimes i wonder if they really knew the true value of money.

Or if they've seen a paycheck more pathetic than my dad's.

And then i start thinking about those damn unpaid school fees.
And computer loan.
And i wonder if they have that problem.

Because all they need to worry about is which LV bag to buy, when i'm wondering which brand of cup noodles i ought to choose for tomorrow's lunch.

How lucky are we?

Just yesterday, i spotted an image of an extremely attactive boy in the papers.

As most of you probably know by now, my grading system is most stringent.

It was the headlines that turned my heart cold.
And you might have guessed by now, i'm talking about young Thaddeus.

It's sad, really, when smokers and alcoholics are still alive out there and the triathlete is not.
Once again, we are alll reminded of how fragile life is.

People like Thaddeus are considered to be one of the fittest in the world, given their passion for sports, they probably trained like hell while we're causing a deeper dent in our couches in front of the TV.

I am so lucky to be alive.

There are some people that i really admire, simply cos they give in their best shot, and in some cases, die for the things they have a passion for. Steve Irwin's one of them, and i guess Thaddeus Cheong too.

No, i dont have a passion for audit. I'm not going to die auditing.

****

"FUCK OFF AND DIE" were the exact words that were running in my head. I really cant be bothered with most things. So let me just go back to sleep.

Zzzz..

No, i dont like stuff where alot of compromising has to be done. But again, i dont care just as long as you give back a little when you take alot from me.

No, i'm not a kind person. Maybe i have a conscience. Maybe i lost it.

But yes, "fuck off and die" are the exact words i'll use for most of the super parasites in this world.

Mean? At least i let you know.

This world is full of hypocrites. I am merely a critic.

I dont believe i've truly known happinness.

What is it? When you live in a world full of skeptics like yourself?
No, i dont know it.

Happinness was having a candy when you were young.
Now you sneer at the mere mention of sugar content in it.

No, i dont know happinness.

I'm not happy.
Never have been, never will be.

How can i be, when people around me are vile at heart? When they claim to care but plot silently against you?

I give up. Really. This is a time where shutting yourself in is so much safer.


---
Chao Chia's pictures really got me thinking if this is really what i want.
Miss the grad trip because of such stupid reasons.

I feel so tired when people ask me where i went and i have to come up with stupid reasons or shrugg it off.

I guess the frustration builds up.

And when people dont care about me enough to change their plans for me, there's no point in defending them.

Cos even i dont believe in those reasons any more.

I told you so

Everyone keeps telling me to go to Malaysia.

Especially JB.

My first reaction was "Are you out of your mind?"

Then i get surprised when they dont see my cause for fear.

Dont you guys read the papers?

I really dont give much of a damn if i get robbed. Take the money, leave me my passport and i can go home.

Like hello, a schoolgirl got raped by 4 men. 4! those bastards ought to be shot. Perhaps she was too much of a catch.

Yea, they rape pregnant women too! Two guys attacked her even though her son was with her.

Talk about being safe when you have company. How about the girl who was raped by a "police officer" when she was with her brother? How does having a guy or a police officier make you any safer?

Okay, maybe i'm paranoid. But it's really time you guys read the damn papers.

And yes, dont give me a chance to say "i told you so"


Most people tell me i'm going to hell for the meant things i say. i tell them "fuck off and die"; the world's biggest bastards are still alive. There's no place for me in hell.

You cant blame me for unpleasant things i say, i'm probably the only one in the world that dares tell you that your shoes dont go with your bottom and your bottom dont go with your top and you look like a giant turkey. See? That's what friends are for. Others laugh at you behind your back but i give it to you in your face!

And then you hate me for that.

Lately i've discovered that i dont really care. perhaps it's time to keep my ideas to myself, hide in a corner and laugh when someone plunges in a pit. When i say turn left, it probably means turning right is not a great idea. Oh, but do people care? No, they exclaim "that bloody obnoxious bitch dont allow us to go right! She's hogging it for herself!!" Yawn...

I told you so.

There are many things i can do without. One of them is saying those words in your faces.

Words from wise men

My brother once said that the camera should never be placed in the hands of immature users. I couldnt agree more. Photography was an art. Now it's ruined. I dont understand why people spend hundreds of dollars on a great camera when they dont know how to focus before shooting.

Ah.. words from wise men.

I'm starving.

Basically because there's nothing to eat at home. More so because I'm too tired to get my ass downstairs to buy.. that also partly explains why most OL has fat thighs.

I'm not helping i guess.. adding on to the statistics to "the most common problems faced by OLs" which could well be on some crappy mediacorp show. It fits their style.

It's pathetic.. really, when they claim that celebrities and us are fair in the eyes of law. Oh hell ya! Look at Hilton's jailroom! It's better furnished than my hostel! I think she should be locked up with the rest of the criminals. The only people who should not be locked up with the rest of the guys are probably the cops.. Just imagine being in the same cell as someone you caught two months ago.. But hell! The living conditions ought to be the same! Why else do you speak the words of equality? Special treatment is not equality!

Bleah!

The things money can do.

Sometimes i think these spoilt brats should be taught a lesson. Let them see what half the world has to go through.

Oh! But what weight does my words carry? I'm neither rich nor famous!

Hit list

Did i mention anything about world peace previously?

Okay.

I swear that if i have a grenade (coupled with a license to kill), i will throw one downstairs and kill the bastard that's blasting his music off a motorbike at 2am.

Perhaps.. being a sniper is better as i wont kill other innocent passerby.

There are some people that's on my hitlist. Not cos i hate them.. ok! I hate them! But more cos i think this world will be a better place without these people. They generally belong into this group.

1. Crazy drivers / motorists that blast their music late at night
2. People who support genocide
3. Stupid cassanovas and men who's ego is way bigger than their equipment

That's about all i guess.

Ah.. Wouldnt this world be a better place without them?

The World

The world is becoming an unsafe place to live in. Why else do we need more forms of security on top of padlocks? People are making use of chemicals to con and dupe people, theives and rapists are breaking into houses, mass rapists on killing sprees and genocides, kids are on killing sprees in their schools, terrorists are engaging in biological warfares.

In the past it was plain assassination. Kill the guy who's responsible. Just rob and leave the guy to die or something. Not mass killing..

Somewhere across the globe, people are starving. They are suffering for our sins, as our advances are built at the expense of their basis of survival. The drought worsens, they suffer, but do we care? We sit miles away from them in front of the TV in an air conditioned room, making a comment in a sympathetic tone. Enough said.

Then i cannot help but wonder.. What is war for? All wars are started in the name of justice. Justice? No one has declared a war since the WWII. Now we all go to war. So who started it?

Somewhere Mother Nature must be crying. She gives lives. Man so naively think that we have the power to rob others of it. Such power are never bestowed. No. When all men are equal, such powers are never justified. What have we done to make this world better? We think planting trees can atone for more pollution. We think having a conference of political figures once in a while to lament about the dying earth is sufficient. And once the conference ends, we think of new ways to kill the dying planet. Then i cant help but question. If our existence does not make the world better, where's the meaning in it?