meaningless rambling

even i'm amazed at how early i'm home today.
exam's over. it's a saturday.
i'm just trying to prove them wrong.
or maybe prove myself wrong.

let me explain...
i have a reputation. bad one.
for going out with guys and stuff.
guys i'm not even interested in as well.
just.. going out.

let me tell you how this bad habit started.
at first, i wanted my boyfriend to notice me, take time off whatever he was busy with, and pay attention to me.
which of course, was incredibly naive of me.
he did realise of course, but he didnt care. because he knew my intention - which was not too hard to read.
but after that, when there was no need to piss him off anymore, i couldnt get rid of this habit.
i cant stay idle.
so when people call, i just go out.

but of course i've changed.
tamer, perhaps cause of the good influences around me.
or because i know this is getting nowhere.
everything's getting nowhere. (this entry included)
so now i'm tired.
i want a change.
but i cant get rid of this "label".
change's not easy, especially when the preception's formed.
let me quote you an example. i used to like blue. i still do, but i get blue stuff as gifts, or when people pick stuff for me. it's always blue. so when i do things like change this blogskin to pink, they're shocked. so now i think i like blue. i'm not sure if it's because i do or because people tell me i do.

i'm a little confused.

sometimes i wish i have more courage. and a sense of moral. i've been too selfish. thinking only about myself. i lack a conscience. that i am aware of. a year ago, i will tell you all i need is my friends and to be loved by the ones i love. now i will tell you - i want security. i just need to convince myself that it's what i know i need and not what i think i need because someone tells me so.

Karma

3 easy ways to earn more karma points

• Exercise right next to trees. The huge amount of carbon dioxide that you exhale is critical for trees to photosynthesize. The more carbon dioxide you produce for the trees.. the more karma points you get.

• A caterpillar landed on your bf's/gf's windscreen while he/she is driving? No.. don't stop the car immediately to conduct "OPERATION RESCUE CATERPILLAR" (that will only earn you 1 karma point). Ask him/her to leave it on the windscreen for a while and treat that lucky caterpillar to a ride of it's life! (hey, not every caterpiller gets to travel at 140km/hr you know?) The caterpillar will THANK the both of you for it! (and both of you get to earn EXTRA karma points.. )

• Someone is trying to piss you off? Don't curse and swear at the person (that will only reduce YOUR karma points). Just SMILE.. That idiot will be so annoyed that he/she will be cursing and swearing. The more he/she curses and swears, the more karma points he/she loses.. (Alright, so you won't get karma points for doing this.. but hey..the more points that idiot loses, the MORE points you have compared to that idiot)

- rongx2

what's going on?

people are asking me. hey! waiyue! what's going on in your blog?
haha.
this is what's going on:
to prove that i'm not the only insane being around, i've happily invited three other "sane" people like myself.
nah. that's not the reason..
i'm lonely.
and what better ways to combat this feeling than to ask my friends here for a party?
i'm sure we'll have a lot more ideas flooding in.
=)

spring

You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

confessions

i shall confess about something i shouldnt have done but i have been doing it very often..

i cant stand it myself sometimes too..

i tend to show all my emotions on my face.. especially when i have moodswings.. when i am very upset about something.. or when i am affected by some events..

and obviously,my friends can see that i am troubled,and yet, i refused to "trouble" them with my problems,knowing that they are also stressed and troubled with all their studies,relationships,etc..

but...

instead of helping them reduce their trouble,they added me to their burden and hence i myself became a "trouble" to them..

knowing myself,asking me not to show emotions on my face is tough,very tough..if i could i wouldnt have shown..i just cant help it but sulk at times when i am affected by some incident.. and it is all the evil thoughts that i am not good enough, or comparing with others who are sooooooo much better than me, the feeling of being left-out coz i wasnt very familiar with that group of friends, all these just made my days went very bad.. :(

and it is all those stupid negative thoughts that just made me miserable and my friends worry for me..

why am i like that?

i hope to change..

i will defeat the demon within me..

wait for me..

one day i will win and get back all the bubbly and cheerful side of me..:)

positive thought of the day:i may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but i am not the ugliest either..=)

ps.another confession to make,i should be studying for my econs now..instead of blogging here..

i always hate waiting..

and i had to wait most of the time.. either i was too early coz i dun want them to wait..

or my friends came later than me..

and no matter what we do..goin to the toilet,i had to wait, coz i was the 1st one to be out and i cant bear to face the mirror any longer,knowing myself as the "ugly one"..

discussing where to eat in school must wait..

buying food also must wait..no choice too many people queuing to buy food..

taking bus also must wait..for the bus to come.. even mrt,we also gotta wait a bloody 10 minutes during off-peak hours..

so what is the one thing that i dun have to wait?

even takin exams,we had to go in early,then wait till the time is here,then begin the exams.. so..we had to wait..

and now i am waiting..

for them to confirm tomorrow's celebration with me..

and so i stare at my handphone,order it to ring..

but it just remained quiet,sitting down there while the whole world continues spinning..

i hate waitin!!! i always have..

it's like so helpless and i cant do a single thing...

now..i am startin to wonder if my phone got prob..

hai~ i guess i gotta call them to confirm.. which i always have to coz i am tired of waiting..

why do i always have to suffer the fate of waiting in the first place??

why????

and sadly,i gotta wait for a reply,even if i did sms..

Mwhahah.....
rong here... man this blog gonna b really happening..
4 crazy gals... 1 blog.. woah~~~

hey this is lena!!!
hahaha... so this is goin to b OUR bloggie?

satire

people give me more credit for my satirical remarks than my content. but again.. at least people read.

there are 3 kinds of students in the world

1. the genius
basically, most of us will agree (unless you're one of them).. we detest these people. not as in being mean, but perhaps.. envy? we probably hoped we could be like these people. dont have to study, skip classes, and pass exams with straight A's. (the only time they probably managed a B was because they slept through half the exam).
trust me. the only other kind of people that are more "disgusting" than geniuses are good-looking and popular genuises.

ok. stop the mockery.

2. muggers
muggers are people who cling on to the textbook. doesnt matter whether the exams are over.
of course, amongst them, there are paranoid muggers, who always think that no matter how much they study, it's not enough. so they freak the rest of us out. they average As of course, with occasional Bs or Cs due to careless mistakes, or probably stuff that's not in their texts. of course there are people who only mug when needed to, or study merely to "fake" to their parents or friends. either that, or they could be the unlucky muggers, who study, but their results prove otherwise.

sigh. the fickle fortune.

3. slackers
dont get me wrong. these people are not endowed with amazingly high IQs. to put it in a crude way. they are just lazy. doesnt mean that they are not smart though. most lazy people have to be smart to survive. of course, there are mimicking slackers who pretend to slack, but study like hell once the no one's looking. some slackers, however, just dont give a damn about exams. either they're too stupid, too smart, or too cool to care.

i'm just plain lazy.

coffee

6 cups of coffee and a gastric-prone examinee just dont go together. trust me on this one.

anime

quote of the day:

" i dont see why people are anti-jap. if not for the japanese, we probably wont have anime."

-marcus

cheers.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront
of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

taken from : http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/misc/overlord1.htm

more at : http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/misc/overlord2.htm
http://omega.med.yale.edu/~pcy5/misc/overlord3.htm

identity

yes i'm scared.
jolene messaged me to tell me that she saw me in the action theatre. but i was still happily sleeping in bed.
so my best friend and my ex boyfriend cant tell me apart from another girl. i dont blame the rest because they done know me well. but the girl and the guy i've faced every single day? those who claim to know me?
am i facing some sort of identity crisis?
yes i think so.
i'm just wondering if her friends make the same mistakes.
i dont know why there's such an uncanny resemblance.
i wonder if it's the same girl i met.
i wonder if she's the reason i've been accused of two timing.
hell, i dont even believe this.

history

read the papers lately?

i'm referring to the china's apparent unhappinness with japan.
sure i mean, japan may have intentionally left out certain details of the war in their history textbooks (which china never fails to point out). but let's just get this right - china has been intentionally harping on it for years. sometimes i wonder if the extreme gore in china's history text's half true. it's been so long? are you sure it's the atrocities that got people so worked up? or the dampened ego of the history that you guys cant get over?
i mean seriously
1. it's over
2. are you guys really damn proud that you lost the war? that you have to constantly protest so that the whole world is watching? and portray yourselves as the "victims"?
3. japan's already apologised like.. ever since i could remember. what else do you guys want? if it werent for them, you guys would probably would still be dreaming and definitely less united.
4. i believe in meritocracy. japan has earned my respect. the only thing they need is to be a little sensitive.
5. germany and america fought so many other countries. how come none of them have a problem? because they dont have pathetic victims to harp over their misfortunes eons later?
(and let's not forget - hitler's genocide was probably much worse)

singpore's casino
and so they tell me it's unethical - to tempt people to gamble..
and so they dramatized the social implications.
and they asked me what i think.
"why not? i think it's a brilliant idea"
and they gave me a cold stare.
well, you cant always expect people to agree with you. heh.
i know people who intentionally go overseas to gamble.
nothing will stop these people, so i think the mere presence of the casino will just save them additional expenses.
if you've got self discipline, i believe you'll be sensible enough to refrain losing your life savings.
okay. so why the casino?
because i think the market is too saturated. we're running out of jobs to create, people are leaving for US, for china. not only are we facing a brain drain, we're losing our capital outflows. instead of looking at it as a threat, why not see it as an opportunity?
if people want to lose their money in macau, why not throw the cash at us?
in fact, i think this is probably the most incredible idea!
everyone will be happy! people who wants to gamble can gamble, we boost tourism, we get jobs, even if we dont legalize gambling, there's always illegal dens anyway, so through this, illegal dens will be less patronised.. and hell! we can get rid of them as well.. aww.. the wonders of a casino. i cant wait for the governtment to give the green light.

friend

quote(s) of the day:

" love, by merit, is sweet."

-pL

"let's take whatever dirty cursing words and replace it with 'marketing'. it's probably as repulsive"

-yiyun

i met this primary school friend of mine when i was at the interchange.
we were best friends, and she was the pretty one in the flowery dress, while i was the tomboyish one in the oversized shirt. a funny scene if you ask me.
she was rich, somehow i remember she has the expensive gadgets.. i remember this electronic diary that girls used to keep? yep. she was the first to own one of those.
she wasnt academically inclined. and i was jealous. because no one expected her to get an average of 258 for psle. no one set a target for her to go to AHS or TKGS or whatever crap that sounded nice. everyone was so proud of her when she could make it to the express stream of a neighbourhood school. how come no one was proud of me? i thought.. when i obviously had better grades. i got the "you could have done better" look. she dropped out of secondary school halfway anyway.

oh yes, i was a jealous little brat.

so she called my name. and i turned to face this pretty mature young lady. currently working as a promoter for cosmetics, it seems, but "going to quit soon".. as she flashed her teeny one carat rock in my face, and introduced her (mark my words) fiance. she told me he was financially ready, so they decided to start a family soon.

and yes, she looked like a ready and proud bride-to-be. flawless skin, pearly white teeth..

getting married next month.

sigh.

and she updated me on how my classmates are faring. one of them's joined the police force, another one.. mother of a little baby boy (how come i didnt know that??), few in the sales line, mostly in ITE or poly.. or so it seems. only two of us made it to university.

but looking at how fortunate she is.

whoever that said that money is the key to happinness should be hanged.
whoever that told me buying his dream car would be the most fulfiling thing in his life deserves to be shot.
whoever that told me study is the key to success should swallow the pages of his books.

because what i was taught and what i saw did not tally.

all she needed was a life-long committment, and someone to spend the rest of her life with.

but when she asked about me, i was speechless. no chapter in my life was worth mentioning.
nothing.

i wasted the past seven years of my life.
chained.

exam

i hate exams.
and i hate the fact that it only ends on the 29th.
that means i cant go out.
boohoo.

expectations

quote(s) of the day:

"Pure love does not hurt. It is when there are expectations hidden in the love, then love contains a time-bomb for hurt. "

-hon sing

"but people who are in love always expects a lot from the other party..so love hurts."

-naruto


i believe i found the key to my misery.
but when there are no expectations, is there love?

a mother expects comfort from a child.
a child expects unconditional love from her.
a lover expects fulfilled promises.
a spouse expects committment.
a friend expects trust.

can i expect nothing?
how much is "a lot"?

a few of my friends expect their boyfriends to marry them.
quoting one of the guy's response: "dont pressurize me"
-sweet or pure mockery, i do not know.

i wonder if it was due to this lack of expectation from me that lack to insecurity.
-i wonder why wedding rings are comparable to miniature handcuffs.

or that if a child is a burden forcing couples to maintain their relationship.
-i wonder if i ever was that burden.

i wonder why i meet people who tells me they regreted not saying "i love you" years ago.
-i dont know what that implies when they now hold another in their arms.

i wonder why people marry when they do not love him/her the most.
-i wonder how they wake up everyday to face their spouse.

i wonder what wedding vows are for.
-when its meaning is long lost.

why is it so hard to compromise?
if love supposedly transcends all limits.

love hurts

quote of the day:

"love hurts"

-jocelin

of course it does.
of course it does, sweetheart.

why do people always have the idea that it's perfectly okay to hurt someone then beg for their forgiveness later?
yes, make amends if you must.
how much tolerence does one have? to love, hate, and love you again?
to take you back?
never betray your spouse/partner/friend*
of you do, pray that they hate you.
because it means that they still care.

time

well, besides the fact thtat i still have time to blog, i had time to go job hunting as well.
amazing isnt it? i should be studying.
the response's a little.. pathetic.
i dont blame them.
i mean, my schedule's a little tight, i'll be taking a GE intersem, and i may be going for an operation.

haha.. maybe i should give that idea up.

i remember chris mentioning something about air stewardess..
i still think they are high class waitresses..
but hey.. admit it.. i like that uniform.
who doesnt?

not that 12 years of uniform arent enough for me..
heh.

reality

how hard is it to turn a dream into reality?
i meet different people at different stages of their life cycle.
some i respect, some i look up to.. in awe.. perhaps.
but they are not living a dream - they live a reality i would like to associate with.
no, not a dream, not far from me, not hard to achieve.

i like talking to them because they give me hope, to believe that this mortal in front of me is no different from bill gates or george bush, working towards what they believe.
not very far from me, haha.. i mean.. even carly florina had a shot in HP.. never mind if she screws up.. at least she gets to call the shots..

power.

when i was working, people questioned my choice.. why am i willingly trapped in this small pond when i had so many other offers later on?

because i enjoy talking to people.
the dealers there teach me a lot. about cars, about life, about ways to maintain a relationship.. or to earn big bucks.
beats talking to those kids fresh from NS.. they only know how to describe their powder baths.

nostalgia

i remember i was in poh's car when he left to collect something, leaving me in his car.
emil chau's songs were playing, i mean. hey.. who listens to him nowadays?
old songs, but this overwhelming feeling..
nostalgic..
i think.
his smooth voice.
melting.
my mum used to listen to him.. when we were still using those bulky radio sets and cassette tapes..
and i particularly liked one of his songs, so i would rewind to a certain point just to hear that song.
so now he's in singapore, to appear in this charity show,
as well as a concert.
a concert.
i dont think it'll be high..

but a hell of an experience..
i believe.
who has spare cash?
my mom'll love it.

charity

the tv's showing the charity show. again.
as if the only people needing money are themselves.
i mean. the way they set those pathetic criteria, i doubt people really get help from them.
why do i make such remarks? of course there's been certain negative reports over the years about the way they manage their finances, i mean.. just take a look at their fundraising expenses!
at least this year they seem more humane.
i remember that they used to torture celebrities to make us donate.
i mean. seriously.
just write a cheque over. why the hell are these telephone companies charging us administrative fees? it's disgusting! it's for non-profit organizations!!
let's all do a little reflection.

hate

forget the car.
i need an apartment.
so i can bring my mum and bro along to leave my dad to self-destruction.
that wimp only knows how to get into trouble and leave us to clear up the mess.
i mean hell, i pay for my bills, i pay for my loans. what has he done?
i'm half hoping my mum'll divorce him.
oh wait a min.. he only has a problem with me.
thank god auditors are demanded in US and china.

diary

people dont understand why i keep a diary and a web log at the same time.
i like words.
and their ability to touch, to manipulate,
to intensify the most insignificant things in life.
i'm no longer recording events.
i see no meaning in it.
when all i need are memories (which is rapidly fading)
perhaps i fail to retain, perhaps i choose not to.

when you write on the fresh pages of a paper, the ideas flow, it's.. just uncontrolled, unrestrained.
there are no rights or wrongs in it.. i reckon.
i used to use this blog to be the voice of issues. to criticise everythig from the government to the society to my neighbour next door. blasphemies as well, i believe.

now i think twice.
there's no place in this world that allows for total freedom of speech.
except the fresh pages of my pink diary.

wild thoughts

even the blind can see

how much i still love him

get a life.

get a life.

this blog is getting.. gloomy..
overcast.

all my life i've been working for others.
i still am.

that's why i detest status quo.
that's why i go against it.
that's why i hate society.

why cant people just be the person they are?
why should they try to fit into the tight skins of something they are not?

i dont understand.

march

i'm still calculating the probability of winning that smrt nissan march.
sigh.

judge

quote of the day:

"i'm not an angel myself
i can't judge you"

-joshua

independence

i believe the key to female independence is wealth. after all, following wealth is status and power, isnt it? perhaps that is the reason why i refrain from relying too much on an individual. especially men, which i somehow have this horrifying fear of them divorcing me and running off with my money, but of course, that would mean women are no longer protected in singapore, which is not true.

perhaps that's why i wince when people tell me to get a rich boyfriend.
which i disagree, since i've never met a decent rich guy all my life.

so this scenario pops up at the back of my mind:
a woman 20 years from now, sitting alone in starbucks, with a notebook (or whatever the latest gadget is), her face caked in make up to cover those fine lines, and alone.
alone and empty.
with tones of money to spare and no one to spend it with, no time to spend it.

but of course, subconsciously, i believe that as long as money is "enough to spend" it's sufficient for me, no point working our asses for it when we have no time to spend it

and, as naruto (never fails to) remind me, study is more important, and i should refrain from my overwhelming obsession with cars and concentrate on more important things like financial management (which is driving everyone nuts) and statistical measurements (which i think hon sing will very much agree with)
"no cars" naruto proclaimed.
but again, if you're staying at the other extreme end of the country from your school, you tend to have differing views, except i cant complain much since he's just blocks away from me.
so now i'm reviewing my biased beliefs towards marriage, as well as the female independence part.

meanwhile, whoever who comes along with a proposal for abstinence from sex will probably hear this from me.
"no, i like sex very much, thank you."
basically, there are enough rules in this country, why add another obligation?
i mean, dont make promises you cant keep.
more importantly, i would love to see their reactions.

teddy. and my incredibly messy room. 

blog

i've always been pretty proud of my blog.
i still am.
i've also been pretty proud of my network of friends.
of course, recently, i'm beginning to suspect i've made enemies as well.
many people reading this dont know my past.
i've been trying to hide the stains under my squeaky clean front.
pride, perhaps, or just the belief that no one will be watching what i do anyway.
perhaps i'm wrong.

recently i've seen people waiting to see me fail, to see me fall.
so you really think i'm untested? that i've never fallen? that such tricks will despair me?
do you think i would cry everytime i'm faced with a new challenge?
or get frustrated?
i would very much like to - it proves that i'm human.
unfortunately, i'm not. so i find it highly amusing, and of course, disappointed that there are people who actually want to hurt me.
after all, what have i done?
i believe in karma, i havnt been a very nice person these days.
ask wenjie, i practically screamed at him when i was doing the FM excel.
but people like him forgive.

i dont. unless i forget.

bad karma perhaps.
after all, i'm lacking in conscience.

i love my sceondary school days very much because it shapes me to be the person i now am, for better or worse, it was the shelter that protected me.
perhaps an icon, or a symbol of an institution. perhaps the remnants of my faith.

who wants to be me?
whoever that has a lower confidence than myself, who likes being tempted, challenged and pampered, who dreams of getting into my course, who wants to have the ability to speak and write the way i do, whoever that hates me.
not smart, not pretty, but good enough, isn't it?
because unlike you, i love the way i am.

P.S. came across this in my school webbie. check it out. =)
http://mediacast.sun.com/share/kevin/BestCommercialEver.mpg

judged

quote of the day:

"dear bitchy anonymous, dont be jealous. We know we are just as bitchy as u except we are just a lot more cleaner. At least we bitch around with those guys instead of those at Desker road like what u normally do. Have fun tonight again over there!"

- bitch (thank you, whoever you are)
*Desker road - a misconception that it is associated with transvestites

i dont believe in censorship, basically because i find it a form of repression.
and yes, i believe that everyone has a right to say what they want, as long as they do not write anything rude or offensive.
i believe i have been rather polite to anyone who tries to mess up my blog.
and i appreciate the fact that people stood up for me, whether i know or do not know them. people like tinkerman and bitch (haha.. i like that nick.. this quote's to you), as well as my dearest friends. whether you spoke up for reason or for myself, i do not know, but it's nice to prove that i'm not alone.

i'm sick of being judged. yes, i admit that.
but again, this probably means i'm used to it.
after all, why should i be bothered with people who doesnt see beyond my looks?
and if it makes you feel better, a lot more people tell me i'm pretty, and since it's so subjective, i dont really mind people telling me that i'm ugly since the probability's pretty low.
admit it, i cant complain that my life's boring. besides, it's pretty hard to be bitchy if you're not having decent looks, isn't it?
and yes, i'm proud to anounce that at least i have brains, yes, i'm proud of myself.
how many people get to live life like i do?

but of course, i admit i have been careless, leaking personal information in friendster and stuff.. i'm glad people are understanding.. julia trusts me, and i have faith that my friends are with me.

but of course, contrary to what anonymous believes, i'm hardly alone.
which is the reason why i'm labelled bitchy anyway.
haha.

cheer up peeps! let's not worry about these people.
good luck for *exams/ job hunting/ uni application
*delete as applicable

this is waiyue assessing the aftermath..
over and out.
=)

bitch

MY PUBLIC APOLOGY TO JULIA
read on:

ever since.. i dont really remember.. 13 i suppose, i've gotten over the term "bitch".
now i take it as a compliment, after all, according to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary,
bitch:
a : a lewd or immoral woman
b : a malicious, spiteful, or domineering woman -- sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse

so i dont really freaking care if someone calls me a bitch at my own blog..
the "ugly", part, however, i cant really concur.
haha

of course.. for people who still have no idea what's going on..
anonymous
u are a bitch

anonymous
I had taken a look at the 5 bitch... all of them are dame ugly ... i dun understand wat make u so bitchy ? mmm... srt i just hate bitch i am sry

Naruto
Wah who is this person? So fierce..

waiyue
thanks for the compliment. i admit i'm a bitch, beats being a bimbo. i dun really care if u have sth against bitches, please refrain from insulting my friends as well. thank you.

anonymous
u must be a very lonely person i really pity u

anonymous
i didnt mean it to insult urs friend just to bad bitches stick together just too bad sry

tinkerman
i have realised that u visited a lot of blogs to offend people, arent u a lonely soul? Go back to ur mama and ask her why u r so retarded!

tinkerman
anyway, just ignore this coward. Doubt he will have fun when nobody responses to him!

Naruto
Think that guy is just too free la..wahaha super bo liao guy..jus ignore him..he is just a piece of shit!!

Kakashi
Maybe that guy is a super lonely pyshco freak who went ard disturb ppls site. Why being anonymous. DARE do dare admit. Go be an eunuch, good prospect!!!

diana
just 3 words for anonymous:" FUCK OFF LA!!"

diana - wy
n gal.. u r rite.. being a bitch beats being a bimbo.. at least we r proud enough to admit to b bitches.. nt like some other bitches who rather stay anonymous..

secondly, this other incident, however, left me fuming..
obviously someone has been impersonating me to create havoc in julia's blog.
now that is what i call unethical.

taken from julia's blog
yue: hey julia its been so long since i see you! how is everything? u look great and "bigger" now
yue: i am currently at ntu doing acc tough sub. why dont u post more foto in ur blog. attract more guys. u attached?
yue: you have grown into such a lady. its great seeing you being so well! u really got good assets!! all the best to your studies!
yue: i am waiyue its really been long time since i last seen u
yue: yes i did mean ur chest look bigger you used to be flat as hell i have no idea what made u grow so much
yue: reluctant to say huh? comeon nowadays everyone wear branded ones.tell me what brand ok
yue: i dont believe. u r wearing pushup right? i just want to know the brand
yue: i mean what is the brand? nothing wrong with letting ur guys know about the brand right? and i can look it up myself
yue: i saw it from other blogs. who wil b reading this gal stuffs anyway. what's the brand
yue: yes i was same class with u sec 1 n 2. 1/4 2/4 remember? i just want to know how to look good in there. girl talk and stuffs. whats the brand that u r using? pushup?
yue: of course! you so pretty nowadays. will only attract more guys coming to your blog. thats good! u use padding or is the brand of bra that make urs look so nice?
yue: time will change the mind set of a person. i learnt to be open to revolve with the society. what brand is it say please? then where u buy

now, this is disgusting.
firstly i owe julia an apology, sorry girl, i think i must have offended someone.. again.
but my question is.. who the hell is that? obviously that coward knows me very well to be able to know which class i was in, and which course i am in now.
who can hate me so much to "track" me for 6-7 years?
i mean, i seriously dont think i've been snatching boyfriends or doing anything unethical these days, i'm even keeping my dainty toes in line?
oh, in case any of you dont know, i can always sue for slander,
if julia allows me to track the network.
the wonders of the internet.
so meanwhile, i suggest you guys think twice about doing something stupid like that again.

wait

why would anyone wait for a girl who has absolutely no interest in him?
give up.

i really have no idea how to put this message across.
no, dont remind me about the bitter irony or that sense of deja vu.
sigh.

retribution.

quote

quote of the day:

"i'll rather live on love than on bread"

-jocelin

hope

i know this wont be easy. i'm hopeful.. trying not to let those doctors land their sugery knife on my face.. i mean.. that's the only pathetic asset i have left.
i'll live with the risks.
haha.. i really should go for my consultations.. have been running away for the past 6 months.
perhaps june then..
i'm hopeful.. somehow this time round i know my faith wont fail me.

today

today never happened. or so i wish to believe.
i sat up since two am, obviously puzzled, perhaps disappointed.
because i've realised how little i know about the people around me.
i still dont understand.
i gave up trying to comprehend.

chance

to stumble upon, to meet, to fall in love.. fascinating isnt it?
or perhaps, this feeling diluted because of doubt?
too many "i love you"s said to mant different men in my life.
now i'm not sure if it were true.
i used to jog. once, i chanced upon this man as i was strolling home.
no idea why he left an impression.
then i realised i've met him several times. but i've never noticed because i kept looking down.
kept failing to see the people around me.
but i was lucky to have found him. never mind what happens after that.
but to cherish the ones you have?
perhaps we're all having this attitude that there's always someone else for you.. someone special meant for you.. you're always waiting for the next one that crosses your path - you missed the one right in front of you.
that's why you've never taken the initiative to tell that person you think you like. because you have suspicions that haunt you.. that you fear.. "i'm not your mr/ms right"
what if you're wrong?
what if your soulmate is waiting for you to make the first move?
because he/she has the same doubt as you?

rebel

somehow it seems that there's this perverse side to everyone.. no. i'm not talking about the insane dirty old men type of pervert . i'm talking about the rebellious, persistent side to everyone. say.. for example, a lecturer knows we're dying to rush out of the class. he takes his time, dragging every minute while he can, because he wants to go against us. he knows we want to go, that's why he deliberately refuses to let us go.

isnt that the way i'm behaving?

the self awareness is there.. that's why i'm behaving this way.
the very reason why i enjoy pissing people off, making sarcastic remarks in class, wearing incredibly short skirts, and going to high-class restaurants to rip people off.
yes, that's the reason why.

i'm too easy to read.
too easy.

that's why i tend to be easily manipulated, that i am aware of.
sometimes i wonder if it's because i allow people to do so.
hypocrisy?
yes, i think so.

i am such a loser.
let's not even talk about relationships, besides the fact that i'm hope;ess in keeping a boyfriend more than a year, i suppose my grades are a little too disastrous.
in fact, i'm beginning to suspect that the only reason why i'm alive is that i lack the courage to end it.
cant believe i'm such a coward.
i'm quite tired of having to prove myself, of needing to worry about what others think about me,
i want to be selfish.

not caged.

to all these unfulfilled obligations.

marketing AB112

smileZ

4/7 

dear God

quote of the day:

"dear god, if you cant make me thin,
make my friends fat"

-guirong's t-shirt


i remember sometime last year i thought someone played an april fool's joke on me.
he didnt. and he turned up the next day.

God, however, played me for one whole year.

bloody year,
perhaps to make me question the existence of higher powers.
i dont know.
my hand will fit no other.
that i know.
but when my future seems so bleak, i dont know what to do or say..
all my plans are.. screwed.. and i'm not exactly a flexible person.
no wonder mrs lee recommended me to take accountancy.
i'm a "routine", "on or off" person..
sigh.. why does everyone see my shortcomings except myself?